Truth in advertising is “It’s a pill”. The Onion has fun with placebos, concluding with this:
GlaxoSmithKline expects to have two versions of placebo on the shelves in late December. One, a 40-milligram pill called Appeasor, will be marketed to patients 55 and over, while the other, Inertra, designed for middle-aged women, is a liquid that comes in a 355-milliliter can, and is cola-flavored. Eli Lilly plans a $3 million marketing campaign for its 400-milligram tablet, Pacifex.
“All placebos are not the same,” Eli Lilly spokesman Giles French said. “Pacifex is the only placebo that’s green and shaped like a triangle. Pacifex: A doctor gave it to you.”
Despite such ringing endorsements, some members of the medical community have spoken out against placebo’s approval, saying that the drug’s wide range of side effects is a cause for concern.
“Yes, placebo has benefits, but studies link it to a hundred different side effects, from lower-back pain to erectile dysfunction to nausea,” drug researcher Patrick Wheeler said. “Placebo wreaked havoc all over the body, with no rhyme or reason. Basically, whichever side effects were included on the questionnaire, we found in research subjects.”
Added Wheeler: “We must not introduce placebo to the public until we pinpoint exactly how and why it works. The drug never should have advanced beyond the stage of animal testing, which, for some reason, was totally ineffective in determining its effectiveness.”
In spite of the confusing data, drug makers say placebo is safe.
“The only side effect consistent in all test subjects was a negligible one—an almost imperceptible elevation in blood-glucose levels,” French said. “It’s unfair to the American people to withhold a drug so many of them desperately think they need.”
Thanks heaps to Dan Rutter for the Onion link – part of his brief on placebo-controlled trials.